Embarrassment and Vulnerability: a reminiscence

Embarrassment and Vulnerability- a reminiscence

 

Sometimes, being too passionate about something becomes an embarrassment I realized in one of my trips in the past.

 

It would be an honest admission that I was ill famed amongst my Humphrey fellowship colleagues in Humphrey School of Public Affairs, University of Minnesota, Minneapolis, USA as being too passionate about Human Trafficking. Sometimes my passion used to get so obsessive that my colleagues used to blame me for being a spoilsport, siphoning off fun from a party and turning the mood. Of course I don’t need to elaborate on this, as it is quite indicative. However, unfortunately they failed to dampen my spirit and I lived my passion to the fullest during my stay in USA in 2012-13.

 

I personally felt that of late I had become less active in the field of trafficking, as only off and on I had chance to discuss the subject. The opportunity came during my visit to 9^th CYMM (Commonwealth Youth Ministers Meeting) at Kampala, Uganda from 31^st July to 4^th August, 2017. I was there as one of the Indian Delegate in the meeting. We were staying in the Commonwealth resort @ Speke Resort in Munyonyo-Kampala, which was also the venue for the meeting. It was a beautiful property on the banks of lake Victoria. The lake Victoria is the womb from which river Nile was born. It is one of the biggest lakes in the world. The hotel property was owned by an Indian Gujarati and quite a sizeable number of staff were Indians, including most of the chefs.

 

All day there would be sessions followed by reception in the evening. The participation was huge with representatives from 52 commonwealth countries, sharing and learning in each other’s presence. After reception people would gather in small convenient group and spend some time chitchatting.

 

The Indian contingent was very cohesive and stayed most of the time together. First three days we would retire late, close to midnight, after exhausting our stock of stories for the day. On the fourth day, 3^rd night, each one of us retired early by 930 pm. It was too early to call it a day, but in anticipation of the long traveling day ahead on 4^th the decision seemed logical and practical.

 

After reaching room I realized that I had forgotten my kit bag, presented by organizers, in the conference room. The conference room was an independent structure at the other end of the property. I came back to the reception to register my loss. The person at reception inquired with the person heading that section in the daytime. To my delight he informed that my missing kit was tracked. He promised to get it delivered next morning.

 

The reception was in a big lobby, which was artistically and aesthetically decorated. On one side it opened to a beautiful sitting arena with a bar and cafeteria. This area further opened to a huge lawn in acres at the shore of lake Victoria. It was scenic marvel. I found many of the delegates from other countries sitting in the open cafeteria in groups. It was good opportunity to get introduced to some, I felt.

 

When I stepped out of the lounge area and stepped into the open sitting space, just at the gate on the very first table were three girls sitting and sipping their beer. One of them said, ‘ Excuse me, can I talk to you’. This was quite common in such get together to interact and getting self-introduced. I went to their table and showed my delight to getting introduced. However, to my astonishment a voluptuous girl got up and suggested if we could sit on the next table. It was little weird. When we settled she out-rightly asked if I would invite her to my room. The signal was very clear. I smiled and told her that I was not interested. She said that it would be not very expensive. This was for the first time that someone had straight away solicited. It was more surprising because it was a five star property and an international conference like commonwealth was underway.

 

She insisted and started negotiating with promise to provide all fun. I told her bluntly that I was against the concept of women soliciting for money. Interestingly she said that I should then take her to my room, chat and then hand over hundred dollar bill. If that seemed too much then even 50 dollars would be good. Using her body or not would be my prerogative. I denied with a smile and requested her to not waste time on me and rather chase someone else. Her nonchalance and pursuance carried the discussion little longer and it generated interest in me to know more about her and the modus operandi. The research fellow in me suddenly became alive and I became lively in interviewing. As informed, she was a single mother from Rawanda with a two year old daughter. In the day time she worked in some salon. Her mother would take care of her daughter in the night when she would come to the hotel and woo customers. They would wait till wee hours of the morning. Many men spent time sitting and drinking with them in the lobby and many would take them to their room. They had to pay 30 percent of the income to the person at the reception, in case they were taken to the room. After realizing that there was nothing more she would divulge I thanked her and left for my room. She was certainly disappointed for failing to make any headway.

As I entered the lobby space again I found the Commonwealth organizers standing there. Mr Sushil saw me and complained that in this visit I had hardly squeezed time for him. He invited me for a drink. At the same time a senior official from Malaysia came and joined us. The three of us came out and again sat in the outer area and ordered a drink. We got engaged in discussion. The girls soliciting were seated little away and were covered by the pillar in between. So I had no view of them. We sat for almost an hour and then decided to part. When we got up the girl sitting next to our table used the same language, ‘Excuse me’. Immediately I figured out that she also was soliciting. She looked so much like any delegate from some African country. Earlier I had mistaken her for some delegate waiting for some colleague. She had never gone to those girls sitting on other table neither had she solicited anyone all the time we sat and chatted.

Her way of stopping us was enough indication to figure out her intention. We just overlooked and started walking away with mere ‘Hi and thank you’. She said that I just want a minute. We stopped. She clearly indicated that she wanted to speak to me, ‘I want to talk to him for a minute please’. I was little surprised to see someone being so choosy in soliciting. Sushil said that he would be waiting and moved on. She politely requested me to sit. I told her that I was comfortable standing, as I wanted to leave. The same dialogue repeated, ‘Can I join you to your room’. I smiled and said that she should not waste her time on me. It seemed to be retake of same scene except that the lady character had changed.

However, I was taken by surprise when she said, ‘I have been watching you for a while and I think I have fallen for you. I like you!’

I did not remember having met her earlier in the conference days. I was again confused, if she was one of the delegates, and just wanted to spend some time together. In all my years of international traveling not a single person had tried to woo me. I wanted to reconfirm if she was trying to seduce commercially or was a delegate trying to be overfriendly.

‘What do you expect?’ I questioned to clear my doubts.

’50 dollars is good enough!’ prompt she replied.

I smiled and informed her that I was not interested.

She looked in my eyes and with a seductive smile said, ‘I don’t mind if you do not pay. I think I have fallen in love and want to spend some quality time with you.’ I could sense the trap.

‘Have we met before,’ I enquired.

‘No, but I have been watching since you entered this area,’ she said.

‘Excuse me, not interested', I told her politely.

‘I repeat again, I am in love. I am not intending to charge you anything. Please tell me your room number and I will join after some time,’ she was emphatic. ‘And I also want to tell you clearly that I am not one of them,’ she said.

‘How are you different,’ I asked.

‘They are from Rwanda and I am from Uganda,’ she said. ‘I am not like them,’ she seemed to be hurt.

‘Ok!’ I tried not to antagonize her. ‘What do you do,’ I asked pretending that she was not a sex worker.

‘I have a boutique and it does good business,’ she said. ‘I come sometimes to this hotel to have beer. After following you for some time I have started liking you. Can I join you now,’ she repeated.

She was using this word ‘like’ and ‘love’ too seductively and too frequently. It sounded more like a trap than affection.

‘No thanks,’ I said and turned to leave. By that time I saw Sushil rushing towards me.

‘Brother, let us go,’ he hastily held my hand and dragged me inside the lobby worried. ‘It is not worth it here,’ he said.

I started laughing loud though embarrassed. ‘Do you think I was taking her bait,’ I asked.

‘Certainly people fall for that,’ he said.

‘Of course,’ I agreed.

I was embarrassed that Sushil had perhaps misread me and made the situation look as if he was my savior.

For me this situation was giving me ample fodder to understand a particular modus operandi in such properties.

We both parted.

Once in room I googled to check the credentials of this hotel. Surprisingly, one of the comment in ratings had categorically mentioned that the hotel turns into a brothel in the night.

In the morning I called couple of persons at the reception who were from India. I asked them if the management was aware of the night situation. He very shyly admitted that it was known to all. They do not officially promote but however it was never denied, and decided not to stop this. He agreed to the complicity of the management. While having breakfast I again questioned the stewards and chef who were Indians. Their answer was more diplomatic. One of them questioned me asking what could they do if someone comes to the bar to drink. How could they stop them? Though this statement did not sound convincing.

It was very unfortunate that such big five star properties were leaving their customers vulnerable. Normally, when a person is high (after couple of drinks) then they drop their guard, and the vulnerability is exposed. Leaving such vulnerability to be exploited was what seemed be the strategy adopted. Situation could any time convert into a crime. 

And, I was also concerned about the element of trafficking. Were these Rwanda girls trafficked or were they soliciting on their own volition. The story of the Rawanda girl seemed to be a saga of struggle for survival. May be they were victims of an organised crime. Lot was left unanswered to me. I had to leave that afternoon so I had no time to investigate further and do a reality check. But certainly, in either condition, the situation was not very conducive for the customers nor for the girls soliciting.

Buddha- a person or a philosophy

In current context, is Buddha a person or a philosophy? This questions hits me hard. Buddha is in vogue. His faces in different moods and statues are sold in millions. He has become a fashion statement to many. His mere statue, placed strategically, depicts as a caste, class leveling symbol. In all forms of depiction, the beautifully carved eyes are kept little ajar. The posture and the eyes illustrate the meditative mood. But, still the question remains, what do they reflect? A philosophy?

Personally, I am a great fan of Buddha statues. I think they bring a lot of serenity in the atmosphere. That meditative composure is contagious. Brings solace and peace in the ambience. But, Buddha was never to one, but to the society.  The statues remain the hard earned skill of the craftsman. And, it his magic that we translate into our equanimity. Nevertheless, that portrayal transmits an idea, which is embedded in our subconsciousness, seeded through periodical interaction with one or the other source, verbal or written.

We haven't seen Buddha, hence the variance in the illustrative portrayal. What remains constant is his preaching, his philosophy of life, his approach towards one and all. But, we seem to be more swayed by the iconic art produce than his thoughts and viewpoints.

What bewilders is the varied perception towards the same face by one and another. In elite circles, Buddha is present with different significance, as a symbol of serenity. At some places his statutes are placed strategically to give socio-political message. The latter stands for opposition, no doubt against atrocities, and the former for peace. Both contradict each other. Presence at one place is inward looking, for inner calmness and tranquility and at the other it is for outward equality, a strong message. Both places we find the same Buddha, an inanimate statue bringing different kind of life experience to the claimed possessor, with different connotation.

The philosophy, at both places, to a great extent still remain misunderstood. The philosophy, to my limited understanding, is inward looking for outward behaviour. To learn to behave and serve. To realize and to act. To purify oneself to support selflessly. To many of us, Buddha has become a statue of a person and somewhere the soul and the spirit of his philosophy is lost. 

Morning walk- a compulsory chore affected

Morning walk is addictive, I would realize it when Delhi Smog would force us to stay home. Body would get lazy, lethargy would creep in into every spectrum of daily activities. The withdrawal symptoms would manifest loud and clear.

And, now this COVID-19 is forcing the addicts to stay home. What an irony! When Corona has pushed the vehicles out of roads, which Delhi government desperately desired, and the pollution level has improved beyond tolerance (as for Delhites impure air is normal), and one can run or walk extra miles for lungs are left empty because of lack of char blocking alveolar, the air sacs in lungs, COVID is coercing everyone to stay home. Smog vs purer COVID air? situation remains same. Self Quarantine is the best solution.

So, again that lethargy is sinking in. This compulsory daily morning chore, which kicks off the day on a positive note is missed. Morning walk is not just a physical exercise. It is mental relaxation too. For me, who is a compulsive greeter to all walking mates, if not all, then preferably to the senior citizens, a smile on my face and on others was just heartening. I remember, whenever I start wishing morning a senior citizen or senior couple with earphones plugged to my ears, they think I am on  a call. It took them couple of days to realize that those greetings were to them. And, then after every day I would receive those greetings from them, if at all I failed due to absent mindedness. I have today around 10-12 senior citizens who are on my greeting list. Honestly, I scarcely know any of them, except for the fact that we share a common walking track in the community park.

Few days back, I came across a senior lady in close to seventies, short height, thin, wrinkled face, little gloomy eyes and single walker in salwaar kurta. First round I just saw her pass. She looked straight on the track and avoided eye contact. Felt it was deliberate, and normal, as any normal person would do (certainly, I feel to be abnormal, because hardly anyone did what I do. Hence, by theory of rarity I am abnormal). Seldom she came to the park, or perhaps we had different routine. In the second round I wished her 'Namaskaar'. She glanced and seeing me wearing huge headphones looked back on track. The same confusion, if I was over phone or my greet was guided towards her. When we crossed again I smiled and she smiled back. And then after she passed broad, ear to ear smile, every time we crossed. Those wrinkles faded, eyes shined and her steps became so lively. And, for me it was another walking mate made friend. This morning bliss of unknown company, and perforce wearing of smile is routine.

The best part is when either me or my wife go missing. Then the spouse present in park is bombarded with queries about the other spouses absence. And, this concern is not just from older mates but youngsters too get bothered. The best part being none of us know who we are except that young old 70+ years environment crusader who greets on behalf of all defence forces 'teeno senaon ki tukdi aapke salaami ke liye tayaar hai shreeman'. He could be recruited in CDS office, as CDS is the head of all Defence forces of the country. This is the magic of our morning walk.

CORONA you are not merely eating into my calorie burning out space but also keeping me away from those beautiful smiles, perhaps which carry hidden blessings.

'CORONA GO, GO CORONA'

Corona- mother of creativity

Corono virus- COVID 19, no doubt, has shaken everyone globally. Some, in defiance, pretend to challenge the peril by presuming that it is another flu, which can be handled by taking mild precautions, and some have gone overboard by extending precautions to impractical level. I am not intending to discuss anyway about COVID, as already news and newspapers are deluged with instructions and details. Social media is full of advisories and many are scientific based and some are figment of cultural delusional confidence. Reading the posts are sometime hilarious and sometime gruesome. Depressing and mood uplifter.

In the past week, some interesting, imposing, advisory conversations that I was engaged in are worth mentioning here.

One of our morning walk mate is a 73 year old young man, who is always in action, physical and mental. He is fit like any 35 year old person. He is an avid environmentalist, who has already planted more than a thousand saplings. He is multi talented. He is fond of singing and is also a good athlete, plays very good Table Tennis. Somehow he came to know that we are police officers. Since then he grabs an opportunity to catch up with us in the morning just to wish and salute with a parade statement- 'Teeno senaon ki tukdi aapke salaami ke liye tayaar hai shreemaan'. In the beginning I was baffled, as it had no relevance, but now I am left with no choice but to smile and with folded hands say Namaste. In case he intends to change his greetings, he would say- 'Delhi Police Zindabaad.' He is a learned person and a retired senior bank official. Since three days he has been pushing free advises to fight Coronoa.

'It is easy to fight Corono if you follow three advises' he says. 'First, you should have a half cut onion next to your bedside. Second, take five to six cloves of garlic and weave it into a garland. put it at the entry point of each room and thirdly, wear a necklace of one clove of garlic . If you religiously follow this Corona is defeated'. Today, I was embarrassed when he asked me to show my neck, to prove that I was following his advice. Certainly, I had failed him. He wants police to be protected.

When I was asking a relative as to how they were reacting to the pandemic panic, she said 'we are overcautious. And the best part is that our maids are better prepared than us.' To elaborate she informed, 'We may miss wearing masks but our domestic helps are always wearing it. We informed them that anything brought from outside should be cleaned. They took so seriously that today I found my maid jerking off the newspaper violently. When I asked her, she said that because newspaper cannot be washed she was jerking off so that the virus falls from the paper'.

We had some issues with one of the electric board. I asked our electrician to come and fix it. When he came I asked him to use sanitizer. He started removing his shoes outside the gate. I asked him to come in with shoes as shoes normally tend to be a good insulator. He removed them and banged the soles against each other, noisily and with full power. When I asked why, he said, 'If any Corono is glued to soles they would be killed'.

One of our friend said that alcohol is the best to fight the virus. So, a spoon of alcohol in any form should be taken every hour to maintain the medium in mouth to kill virus. Another friend said, the best way to keep Corona away is to drink lukewarm lemon water. It was not difficult to figure out who was teetotaler. The choice is yours.

So, the creative imagination to ward off Corona is picking. And, we need not kill ourselves out of stress. There can be lighter moments. Smile and sing in Chorus!

'CORONA GO, GO CORONA'.

Steady one's life...

The more one tries to steady one's life, the more stressful the life gets. Has this something to do with law of nature, which is described as a phenomenon that keeps throwing unexpected things and never lets anyone settle, because life in itself means change. Change, which happens every moment and is never ending. Now, if it is so well known that law of nature would not let anyone settle then why do anyone even think of steadying life?

Everyone expects that they can create an ideal condition, which would make them comfortable, bring solace, weed out all the worries and bring peace and tranquility. All the fight and struggle to meet the materialistic greed is in pursuit to achieve that steadiness. Having 'this' would steady my life, is what is presumed. Now, what does steady mean? Steadying life perhaps describes a situation where an arrangement is acquired, which ensures recurrent supply to fulfill the demands of life. Availability of 'Roti, Kapda aur makaan' is the first and foremost desire of everyone. Certainly, as per Maslow's theory of motivation they are the first level of motivation, considered to be the basic instincts. If sex is added to this three aforesaid need or desire, then that completes list of primary motivational needs.  But, who defines what extent of availability would construe the fulfillment of these desires/need. The core need remains the same, for everyone, but with growth comes the shift in content and quality. Shift can be seen from basic food to exotic cuisines, normal clothes to branded, with need based shelter to luxurious setting, and from one partner to getting adventurous. And, beyond this comes the aspiration to achieve similar settings for family members, which is an impossibility. Impossible because they are all external items. Body and mind of different persons may react differently to one situation, so it is being idealistically impossible. As desires are never stagnant, so is life. If one thing is provided there is creation of another seductive product, for which one would strive to acquire. Then how can one strive for steadiness.

Does steadiness exist? Steadiness does exist and is a possibility. It is possible once we stop trying to control the external factors or be dependent on them. Steadiness is a state of mind, and mind is ones own property. Rather than controlling outside elements it is better to control owns possession, 'the mind'. Control the impact of external things on you than trying to control the external things. Certainly, it is better said than done, but there lies the solution. As time never stops, so does change. How to cope that every moment change mentally without letting it bother your spirit is an answer. Our heritage points out to 'meditation', as the best means to control mind. No doubt that 'meditation' calms and gives lot of leverage to a person to control mind, but how many of us are able to meditate. And even if we do, how many of us are able to concentrate enough to control mind. Sitting in a position of meditation is not a solution. Forgiveness, justifying others act, believing in the fact that what we consider to be a lifetime decision now may have no relevance with passing of time, every other person who is acting in a weird way is actually sucked in the same vortex of need and desire, what we get from external world is a consequence of our position in job or materialistic competitive world and above all, the importance we lay to ourselves is immaterial as we have negligible presence in this huge galaxy of things, are some of the possible ways to calm down and prevent oneself from getting affected by external actions. Those tricks are possible prevention mechanism, which could thwart the impact of  external factors on thought process. But, again realization and practice of these tricks requires some type of maturity. Maturity again has nothing to do with academic profile. It is the skill of inward looking, inward exploration and inward realization. The more one internalizes the inner strength the less one will get perturbed by outward churning. Bring in inner calmness and that will direct the 'mind' to get calmer. Eventually, one's life will steady.

So, should we not try to steady our life....

Can passion change? Confusion sets in!

                                         Can passion change? Confusion sets in!


This is the big question that is bothering me now a days. Can passion change? More troubling is that I have failed to drop my old passions to give way to new ones. In fact there is addition of new passions, and the old ones refuse to die, which means the bag is overflowing now. In fact the real question is how many passions one can handle at one time? Another pertinent question is if what I consider to be passion is truly passion or perforce I passionately get indulged on a subject which is actually part of the assigned duty. Perhaps, I am mistaking my duty for my passion.

Let me be more specific.

In the beginning, I was passionate about the concept of community policing, though I question the very concept in the present form. I always consider it to be an initiative instead of accepting it as a new style of policing. This tenet is based on the fact that policing in itself is community policing, as police's existence is- in, with, for the community. Hence to my understanding rechristening policing as community policing is not required. Certainly I think that by discussing more and writing a bit would help me contribute my share in better policing, acceptable to the community. It is from this logic that my passion flows.

Suddenly, I was exposed to a new subject called human trafficking. A simple introduction turned to be my biggest passion. I totally submerged myself in researching on the subject and realized how limited was our understanding. How the definition and action is governed by convenience of some powerful groups. The more I read, experienced and explored the field, through interaction in person as well as virtually, I realized that there is lot to be done. I must have been teased scores of time for losing sense of time, words and emotions when it came to discussing human trafficking. I have been strongly advocating to the champions in this field to revisit the definition of human trafficking and make it more comprehensive to address various other dimensions of human trafficking which is not covered in current UN Palermo protocol definition or definition given in IPC or adopted in trafficking bill.  The same passion still continues, and given an opportunity still I can go on and on and on on the subject. To have a think tank organization on human trafficking is my dream.

When on deputation, during one of the assignments, I landed up working with Youth. I realized how vulnerable are youth of this country. The demographic dividend that we boast of can become a baggage or burden if their energy is not constructively channelized. The mental health issue of youth is a concern, which unfortunately no one intends to talk about. Youth of the current generation is living in a virtual world, and his/her real world is totally eclipsed by their exposure to what is fed virtually, mostly through social media or other virtual medium. Most of the youth in the community tend to overrate their aspiration and desire, which doesn't match with their actual potential leading to huge gap in expectation and achievement. This is causing frustration and anguish, which is resulting into mental health issues. Aggression, depression, disinterest, non-focus, non-commitment etc are corollary to the mental issues. I got very serious on the subject of Youth development and wanted to redefine volunteerism in this country, so that Youth are brought close to reality. 'Know your community by being with them and through them know yourself' is what I advocate. That will help one gauge their realistic capacity by enhancing their emotional quotient through experience quotient. I must have spoken in scores of forums on the subject and pitched at all levels my idea to redesign the approach towards youth development. That passion too hasn't waned yet.

I thought my kitty was full and juggling with these subjects, going to different forums to speak and learn, was putting to test my wits. As luck would have it, I landed up taking up new assignment, which deals with subjects of Social Defence including Drugs, Senior citizens, Transgender and Beggary. All subjects are of equal importance and directly relate to self dignity, quality of life and survival issues. These subjects are becoming my new passion. Amongst all, the subject of transgender has caught my maximum attention. The trauma that a TG is subjected to since childhood and never ending survival challenges they face is shame to other community members. What moved me most was a statement of a transgender- 'We are visibly invisible'. How true it was. They exist everyone know, but when it comes to addressing their problems everyone is in denial mode. Exploitation within and out of the community is prevalent and it sustains because most fail to acknowledge their existence.

After much introspection I find that some of the issues which I passionately work on were never professionally assigned to me, for example human trafficking. Similarly, I am attached and working on some subjects with same fervor and sincerity despite having left the official assignments for years now. If these issues still pains me, triggers anxiety and touches conscience, and I wait to grab opportunity to contribute when and wherever possible then certainly the passion is alive. So, I have come to conclusion that I am living with multiple passions.

Recidivism

Way back in 2017, I had written a blog on 'reviving my dying habit'. I had cribbed on failing to be regular in posting blogs. That perhaps, motivated me to pen down few blogs in short span, but again the habit died. It seemed, that, small revisiting myself blog, gave a boost to my writing by injecting some stimulant shot. However, the effect was ephemeral, till the potency subsided and wore off.

I am still wondering why do I lose track and fail to live my passion- writing and thinking loud in letters. Delhi as a vibrant city, many times sucks your vibrancy or diverts your energy into other things, which may not be of your liking. It could be extra time consumed in traveling, struggling through the choked roads, witnessing on daily basis the road rage or to avoid the pressure of traffic and letting the driver face the brunt, gluing the eye balls on the smartphone in hand. Another option, time and again chosen is to call people whom one had missed calling while in action during work. All these are tiring and exhausting, and add on to the burden of daily official work rather than being a catharsis. Unfortunately, it is not a revelation which comes with difficulty, but still these actions mentioned above remain the best buddies during traveling, which consumes hours in Delhi.

Why does this happen? why do we indulge in activity which is painful instead of being relaxing. To me it is because we get unmindful. Mindfulness is what is missing in Delhi or any similar fast life places. We get swept away in the rat race, to prove that we can thrive in daily unhealthy competitive chores for professional survival. In any system it is not your decision which is supreme. There are multiple factors and actors who define your path. It is omnipresent and mere part of journey. But, still, life comes to a standstill every passing day, totally bogged down by the happenings of the recent past and the current day developments with expectation that only self is the cause and effect. Unquestionably, time has proven that everything becomes immaterial as the days pass, but in anticipation the unpredictable future is predicted and stressed drawn from nowhere affecting the present. Certainly, it doesn't mean that all actions go waste and there are no ramifications or spill over in future, but most of the energy wasted are on those issues which are insignificant and mundane.
This is the cause of thriving business for advocators of peace, either in the form of spiritual guru or some de-stressing activity promoter.

All said and done, still I have failed to unfold the mystery of my writing hibernation. To have diagnosed the ailment and not taking recourse to treatment is callousness. And personally a 'sin' for me, as writing pushes me into the world of exuberance. This intermittent falling back into non-expressing zone is 'recidivism' to me. The knack to offload the mental occupancy and unburden the shoulder of unnecessary baggage is what I have lost. This skill is intrinsic and has to be nurtured by self. To practice consciously and mindfully is what is required. Perhaps, this piece is an attempt to re-dig into my consciousness and re-realize the fact that nothing is going to pop up from an alien world to pep me to get back into my thinking boots and don the expressing cap.

In this piece I have tried to put my own self to describe the real situation of many more. Life moves on even if we live the way we want to or we don't. To others, possibly, what we do is of no significance and consequence. It matters only to us, in particular 'me and I'. For my life stays with 'me'. So, let us live a qualitative life as defined by ' I ' but certainly without transgressing into the domain of others ' I ' space.