Steady one's life...

The more one tries to steady one's life, the more stressful the life gets. Has this something to do with law of nature, which is described as a phenomenon that keeps throwing unexpected things and never lets anyone settle, because life in itself means change. Change, which happens every moment and is never ending. Now, if it is so well known that law of nature would not let anyone settle then why do anyone even think of steadying life?

Everyone expects that they can create an ideal condition, which would make them comfortable, bring solace, weed out all the worries and bring peace and tranquility. All the fight and struggle to meet the materialistic greed is in pursuit to achieve that steadiness. Having 'this' would steady my life, is what is presumed. Now, what does steady mean? Steadying life perhaps describes a situation where an arrangement is acquired, which ensures recurrent supply to fulfill the demands of life. Availability of 'Roti, Kapda aur makaan' is the first and foremost desire of everyone. Certainly, as per Maslow's theory of motivation they are the first level of motivation, considered to be the basic instincts. If sex is added to this three aforesaid need or desire, then that completes list of primary motivational needs.  But, who defines what extent of availability would construe the fulfillment of these desires/need. The core need remains the same, for everyone, but with growth comes the shift in content and quality. Shift can be seen from basic food to exotic cuisines, normal clothes to branded, with need based shelter to luxurious setting, and from one partner to getting adventurous. And, beyond this comes the aspiration to achieve similar settings for family members, which is an impossibility. Impossible because they are all external items. Body and mind of different persons may react differently to one situation, so it is being idealistically impossible. As desires are never stagnant, so is life. If one thing is provided there is creation of another seductive product, for which one would strive to acquire. Then how can one strive for steadiness.

Does steadiness exist? Steadiness does exist and is a possibility. It is possible once we stop trying to control the external factors or be dependent on them. Steadiness is a state of mind, and mind is ones own property. Rather than controlling outside elements it is better to control owns possession, 'the mind'. Control the impact of external things on you than trying to control the external things. Certainly, it is better said than done, but there lies the solution. As time never stops, so does change. How to cope that every moment change mentally without letting it bother your spirit is an answer. Our heritage points out to 'meditation', as the best means to control mind. No doubt that 'meditation' calms and gives lot of leverage to a person to control mind, but how many of us are able to meditate. And even if we do, how many of us are able to concentrate enough to control mind. Sitting in a position of meditation is not a solution. Forgiveness, justifying others act, believing in the fact that what we consider to be a lifetime decision now may have no relevance with passing of time, every other person who is acting in a weird way is actually sucked in the same vortex of need and desire, what we get from external world is a consequence of our position in job or materialistic competitive world and above all, the importance we lay to ourselves is immaterial as we have negligible presence in this huge galaxy of things, are some of the possible ways to calm down and prevent oneself from getting affected by external actions. Those tricks are possible prevention mechanism, which could thwart the impact of  external factors on thought process. But, again realization and practice of these tricks requires some type of maturity. Maturity again has nothing to do with academic profile. It is the skill of inward looking, inward exploration and inward realization. The more one internalizes the inner strength the less one will get perturbed by outward churning. Bring in inner calmness and that will direct the 'mind' to get calmer. Eventually, one's life will steady.

So, should we not try to steady our life....

Can passion change? Confusion sets in!

                                         Can passion change? Confusion sets in!


This is the big question that is bothering me now a days. Can passion change? More troubling is that I have failed to drop my old passions to give way to new ones. In fact there is addition of new passions, and the old ones refuse to die, which means the bag is overflowing now. In fact the real question is how many passions one can handle at one time? Another pertinent question is if what I consider to be passion is truly passion or perforce I passionately get indulged on a subject which is actually part of the assigned duty. Perhaps, I am mistaking my duty for my passion.

Let me be more specific.

In the beginning, I was passionate about the concept of community policing, though I question the very concept in the present form. I always consider it to be an initiative instead of accepting it as a new style of policing. This tenet is based on the fact that policing in itself is community policing, as police's existence is- in, with, for the community. Hence to my understanding rechristening policing as community policing is not required. Certainly I think that by discussing more and writing a bit would help me contribute my share in better policing, acceptable to the community. It is from this logic that my passion flows.

Suddenly, I was exposed to a new subject called human trafficking. A simple introduction turned to be my biggest passion. I totally submerged myself in researching on the subject and realized how limited was our understanding. How the definition and action is governed by convenience of some powerful groups. The more I read, experienced and explored the field, through interaction in person as well as virtually, I realized that there is lot to be done. I must have been teased scores of time for losing sense of time, words and emotions when it came to discussing human trafficking. I have been strongly advocating to the champions in this field to revisit the definition of human trafficking and make it more comprehensive to address various other dimensions of human trafficking which is not covered in current UN Palermo protocol definition or definition given in IPC or adopted in trafficking bill.  The same passion still continues, and given an opportunity still I can go on and on and on on the subject. To have a think tank organization on human trafficking is my dream.

When on deputation, during one of the assignments, I landed up working with Youth. I realized how vulnerable are youth of this country. The demographic dividend that we boast of can become a baggage or burden if their energy is not constructively channelized. The mental health issue of youth is a concern, which unfortunately no one intends to talk about. Youth of the current generation is living in a virtual world, and his/her real world is totally eclipsed by their exposure to what is fed virtually, mostly through social media or other virtual medium. Most of the youth in the community tend to overrate their aspiration and desire, which doesn't match with their actual potential leading to huge gap in expectation and achievement. This is causing frustration and anguish, which is resulting into mental health issues. Aggression, depression, disinterest, non-focus, non-commitment etc are corollary to the mental issues. I got very serious on the subject of Youth development and wanted to redefine volunteerism in this country, so that Youth are brought close to reality. 'Know your community by being with them and through them know yourself' is what I advocate. That will help one gauge their realistic capacity by enhancing their emotional quotient through experience quotient. I must have spoken in scores of forums on the subject and pitched at all levels my idea to redesign the approach towards youth development. That passion too hasn't waned yet.

I thought my kitty was full and juggling with these subjects, going to different forums to speak and learn, was putting to test my wits. As luck would have it, I landed up taking up new assignment, which deals with subjects of Social Defence including Drugs, Senior citizens, Transgender and Beggary. All subjects are of equal importance and directly relate to self dignity, quality of life and survival issues. These subjects are becoming my new passion. Amongst all, the subject of transgender has caught my maximum attention. The trauma that a TG is subjected to since childhood and never ending survival challenges they face is shame to other community members. What moved me most was a statement of a transgender- 'We are visibly invisible'. How true it was. They exist everyone know, but when it comes to addressing their problems everyone is in denial mode. Exploitation within and out of the community is prevalent and it sustains because most fail to acknowledge their existence.

After much introspection I find that some of the issues which I passionately work on were never professionally assigned to me, for example human trafficking. Similarly, I am attached and working on some subjects with same fervor and sincerity despite having left the official assignments for years now. If these issues still pains me, triggers anxiety and touches conscience, and I wait to grab opportunity to contribute when and wherever possible then certainly the passion is alive. So, I have come to conclusion that I am living with multiple passions.

Recidivism

Way back in 2017, I had written a blog on 'reviving my dying habit'. I had cribbed on failing to be regular in posting blogs. That perhaps, motivated me to pen down few blogs in short span, but again the habit died. It seemed, that, small revisiting myself blog, gave a boost to my writing by injecting some stimulant shot. However, the effect was ephemeral, till the potency subsided and wore off.

I am still wondering why do I lose track and fail to live my passion- writing and thinking loud in letters. Delhi as a vibrant city, many times sucks your vibrancy or diverts your energy into other things, which may not be of your liking. It could be extra time consumed in traveling, struggling through the choked roads, witnessing on daily basis the road rage or to avoid the pressure of traffic and letting the driver face the brunt, gluing the eye balls on the smartphone in hand. Another option, time and again chosen is to call people whom one had missed calling while in action during work. All these are tiring and exhausting, and add on to the burden of daily official work rather than being a catharsis. Unfortunately, it is not a revelation which comes with difficulty, but still these actions mentioned above remain the best buddies during traveling, which consumes hours in Delhi.

Why does this happen? why do we indulge in activity which is painful instead of being relaxing. To me it is because we get unmindful. Mindfulness is what is missing in Delhi or any similar fast life places. We get swept away in the rat race, to prove that we can thrive in daily unhealthy competitive chores for professional survival. In any system it is not your decision which is supreme. There are multiple factors and actors who define your path. It is omnipresent and mere part of journey. But, still, life comes to a standstill every passing day, totally bogged down by the happenings of the recent past and the current day developments with expectation that only self is the cause and effect. Unquestionably, time has proven that everything becomes immaterial as the days pass, but in anticipation the unpredictable future is predicted and stressed drawn from nowhere affecting the present. Certainly, it doesn't mean that all actions go waste and there are no ramifications or spill over in future, but most of the energy wasted are on those issues which are insignificant and mundane.
This is the cause of thriving business for advocators of peace, either in the form of spiritual guru or some de-stressing activity promoter.

All said and done, still I have failed to unfold the mystery of my writing hibernation. To have diagnosed the ailment and not taking recourse to treatment is callousness. And personally a 'sin' for me, as writing pushes me into the world of exuberance. This intermittent falling back into non-expressing zone is 'recidivism' to me. The knack to offload the mental occupancy and unburden the shoulder of unnecessary baggage is what I have lost. This skill is intrinsic and has to be nurtured by self. To practice consciously and mindfully is what is required. Perhaps, this piece is an attempt to re-dig into my consciousness and re-realize the fact that nothing is going to pop up from an alien world to pep me to get back into my thinking boots and don the expressing cap.

In this piece I have tried to put my own self to describe the real situation of many more. Life moves on even if we live the way we want to or we don't. To others, possibly, what we do is of no significance and consequence. It matters only to us, in particular 'me and I'. For my life stays with 'me'. So, let us live a qualitative life as defined by ' I ' but certainly without transgressing into the domain of others ' I ' space.