Thursday, January 12, 2017

Reviving my dying habit

It has been long that I posted any blog. It is difficult for me to discern the cause of this gap. Is it because of writing block or just because I have stopped penning my feelings. For me writing in any form, fiction or non-fiction has always been my time tested way of venting out the pent up feelings. However, of late, unfortunately I have dropped my good habit. Now, the question arises how do I then release all that builds in me.

Through this I am trying to really find an answer to my own questions. If I look back, I have failed to address my problem. Things have been piling up within me and challenging harmony. And, to my dismay I have done nothing to solve it.

Life is so easy that we deny to accept and live it simply. Our favourite slogan is 'life is very challenging'. We prefer to be in denial mode. We have imported so much of cynicism in us that our suspicion eclipses the smoothness of the nature. Nature is natural but we force on ourselves to look at it unnaturally. Everyone here is a preacher and a failed practitioner. The gap in practice and preachings is covered by being a hypocrite. And unhappily I realised that I am one of them. I have denied all these days that my lens too is fogged. Not necessarily what I see is what it is. That is true because my mind says it is not and my heart wants to believe it is… My lens too changes colours depending on what I want to see and that is governed by strong emotions. I fail to control my emotions, and to justify my failure I proudly brag that I am too emotional.

I remember, in my childhood whenever I used to complain about a person, my mother would give a very simple solution by saying, 'Have you ever seen all five fingers same.' I would check my hand and acknowledge the difference then and there. But, as a grown up now, despite that I repeat those childhood lessons to myself many a times, I, as a habit, deny to accept that if I am thumb then another person has the right to be middle finger.

Every finger has its own strengths, forget weaknesses. I am asking to forget weaknesses because we do not appreciate our own weaknesses so we should ignore others too. Hunting for weaknesses in others is jolly good passion. We go on and on and on without realising that hunting for weaknesses in others is basically our main weakness.

I am through this writing trying to get back to my old habit to write what I feel. Feelings are not stable nor permanent, but at the moment they come, they leave their mark. In my writing I am trying to exhibit that mark in black and white. 

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